Brian Crandall, bass

I wanted to be a porn star but it didn¹t work out because of the size of my . . . . I.Q. So I decided to be a rock star.

But sometimes my shtick gets in the way, so I compensate by occasionally enrolling in Sgt. Carter's Boot Camp for the overdeveloped underachievers. When you have an IQ my size, like a wild horse, it must be tamed and put to good use. A mind is a terrible thing to waste.